i thought that this was what i wanted? now im in knee deep and suddenly im doubting eveything im doing and unsure what my next move should be. i feel like we have too many unspoken things, i dont know why i still do this, keep everything to myself, depsite the many bad experiences and outcomes ive witnessed as a result of it. i guess its because i keep thinking that if i dont bring it up, dont talk about it and manage to keep it as covered up as possible then eventually, it`ll just dissappear. unfortunately, this is almost always not the case. idk, i just keep thinking that if i do bring up dilemas then its just going to make them worse? idk idk idk. honestly, i really do want to make this work, for all of us, but the world just seems to be against us. why ? everything i do seems to be wrong. i pour my heart out to you, but you seem to reply by shutting me off so coldly.making me re-think whether if this is worth it anymore. too many times ive been in this situation, all you do is try try try thinking that one day it`ll all pay off . but kylie, i guess yur just too naive.
i dont want to re-live any of those experiences. idkkkkkkkkkkkkkk, so confused atm. dont know what to think, dont know what i should or could do to make it better. the only thing i know is that if this goes on for a prolonged period of time, im gna go crazy.
Everytime I try to leave something keeps pulling me back
Telling me I need you in my life
Everytime I try to go, something keeps telling me that
Everything gon be all right
Everytime I try to leave something keeps pulling me back
Telling me I need you in my life
It was meant to be, you were meant for me
So that means we gotta make it work
/kylie.

Make a comment Permalink
still cant believe this is happening, fucking hell. just because you life is shit doesnt mean you have to make mine the same. why dont you get the point when ive made it so clear to you so many times. the breakup happened more then 6 months ago and STILL you cant get over it. cant get over the fucking point tht " WE " will never EVER exist again. and even if you were th last man left on earth, i still wouldn't get abck with you. no matter how much you tlak abtou the past, attempt to make me feel the way i used to about it, its NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. the more you carry on with yur attmepted "suicidal" & "oh im so depressed, why wont you sympathise me" acts, the more hatred i will build up for you.
will you PUHLEASEE grow the fuck up. and leave me&the ppl i choose to put around me alone.you say you " LOVE " me? look at what your doing, if you really did feel that way bout me wouldnt you want to see me happy. even if i found that happiness away from you? what yur doing is plain SELFISH, STUBBORN & IMMATURE.all you think of is yourself. YOU want me back. YOU miss me. if YOU cant have me no-one can.
dont think ive ever felt so much hate for one person in my life before. why did you have to make it this way. i tired to maintain some kinda friendship with you, but no. you just have to make things this way.
i hope karma treats you the way you deserve it to.
Make a comment Permalink
how the hell do i get of the commenwealth add at the top of the page?! o.o its so ugly! gahhhhhh , ==; anyways yes this is just a test entry to see if my entries are psted ok. so YA.
TESTING.. 1 2 3 !
=) BBL
Make a comment Permalink
im sorry you've changed how you think of me. was what i did that wrong? its not like i betrayed anyone or anything. i miss how we used to be, heart to heart, d&m-ing. so are we just gnr let this thing get to us? and slowly drift apart? you are one of the few people that i met and clicked with instantaneously i love the fact that you think im gorgoeous, even when i know im looking shitass. and i really value yur friendship. i hope this phase between us passes cause i miss your company. so much i want to tell you but its hard to start, feels like theres a growing space i between us? i dno manybe im being paranoid.
i miss school, i miss worrying about useless things rather than things that actually matter now.
kylie.
Comment (1) Permalink
this song bring back so many memories- bad memories
I told myself that I would make some changes
But the more I change there's one thing that remains the same
I can't seem to shake ya
You seem to really have a hold on me
And everytime that we break up
We turn around and make up
This can't go on now
I gotta move on now
It's not the fact that I don't love you no more
But I gotta break this bad habit
Can't take his bad habit no more
Let me break it down
Have you ever loved somebody
So much that you was just to blind to see
Past, all of the pain they was causin' you
Ladies do you feel me (do you feel me)
Have you ever loved somebody
So much that you went against the right things that you should do
Then it's time to make a change
why cant you just leave me alone, why dont you understand that i dont want you in my life nomore. not now, not ever. we've just been through too much fucking bs for us to ever have a relationship of any sort anymore, whether that be a mutual hi bye one or a close friendship. please stop contacting me, telling me about how hard your life is without me. im not the one that wanted it this way. i gave you many .. maybe too many chances in the past but you chose to atek them all for granted. and now thats its too late you think that you can just come back crawling to me. you think that just because i got back with you out of sympathy before i would do it again? lol - wakeup. its not going to happen. what you choose to do with yur life is your choice, dont blame it on me. i have nothing to do with anything to do with you. and if you really " love " me that much i would think that you would respect the fact that mine has nothing to do with you either. maybe its just yaken me to realise this, but we are two absolutely different people and maybe, just maybe. it was just a mistake from the beginning. its funny how i we went from the likes of a "perfect couple" to a disatrous one. whats ever more funnier is that fact that i put up wioth so much of your shit. i mean, what kinda fucked up boyfriend would chuck his own gf outta his house, along with every gift that shes ever given to him.
blah ~ it all means nothing now. but the thought of it just disgusts me. i vowed to myself that i would not ever put myself through that kinda pain again. i guess thats the only good thing ive learnt out of that relationship.
neways, thats enough venting (+ oi just really needed to get that outta my system. lols
WORK, has been a total fucking bs BITCH to me lately ='( bkors i havent been making any sales ==; i feel so useless there.im thinking of quitting soonish, but one i think of giving up shopping.. it change my mind >< lol the only thing that keeps me happy there is the ppl lols love you guys!

yups, thats my work family =) hahaha
NEWAYYSSSSSSSSSSSS ~
zomg shopping has been crazy lately, last week i managedto spend 300 ish bux in 3 hours. lollllllllll yay for retail therapy! =) haha getting paid tmr =D but i owe ebay so much money alrdy hahahha like 150ish? =PP
tks bday at her place this sat! YAY. cant wait =D
love lots, kylieeeeeeeeee
Make a comment Permalink
HELLO HELLO,
YES i am actually still alive.
lol ==; as many do alreayd know ive actually ot a job how, =O !! lol , yup kylie the customer realtions manager =D LOL that sounds so pro but my actual job is actually selling life insurance over the fone lmaooooooooooo. i thought it would be like super-duper hard and i would never get a sale but its actually not? lol surprisingly =) they give you a awhole script and everything and you basically just read it .. and add a lil bit of personality. lols this week is my first actual week. last week was just training so yaaaaaaaaaa
gosh i need new work clothes so desperately.been wearing the same shit over&over agn ><! KYLIE NEEDS SHOPPING! gahhh, got no money for it either ==; my first pay is practically all gone already ..gat pay for bday shit& i borrowed 200 off mum for shopping b4 lols =P.
TALKING ABOUT MY BDAY; so many ppl are doggin it. SIGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. esp the hotel .. blah i dno kinda puts me down. after all the oragnising that maria&i do, ppl just dog it. &im not talking about those that really cant come. blah and right now i dont even know whos really coming, still gta confirm with everybody =/ and omGEE! i hope it doenst fucking rain on the day. or i can not imagine what i will do ><
BLAH. tired&in a shitty mood so i think im gnr sleep now. work tmr ==;
TALK SOON, xx
Make a comment Permalink
MERRY XMAS
MY BABIES!:)
hope everywun is having a fab
time with yur family, friends&
loved ones!
lol amazing how time flies by, 2007 will definately be a year tht i will remember. the year that kylie became a SGHS graduate, the place that ive had some of the most memorable&crazy moments in my life with the people that i love most. & also the year tht i experienced one of the most dramatic relationships ive encountered so far. personally, i think that all these events acumulated has obliged me to grow as a persons. mature ..if not alot then just a lil bit? lol =) im not very sure if i actually completed all the things that were on my 07` new years resolution list... to be honest i dont even remember what those things are or if i even had one lol ==; but 100% focused on my 08` list =)
- dont get too involved in something that im not sure of, follow my head instead of my heart from now on.
- Don't let boys affect my studies
- keep in contact with school friends
- fucking get on a diet and stick to it = =;
- celebrate my 18th with something big
- shop more =D
- go beach more/tan more =)
- find a stable job
- get my Ls ! ><
yay, tmt is shopping day for lil kylie =) horray for myers stocktake/boxing day sales ^^* hahhaha mainly gnr go shoe shopping *ahem* for work of course ... hhahaha im gnr be one of those crazy ppl that line up at 8am in front of the doors waiting for the shop to open LOL =PP very high cnahce that im going to sleep in though, so meh . see what happens. haha
anyhooos, im outie. merry christmas agn =) thankyou for everybodies sms`s ^^* makes a girl feel so special =D haha! MWAS ~
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Make a comment Permalink
god i hate my family sometimes, even at xmas everybody has to break out in arguments, yelling and door-banging. over practically .. NOTHING? my fucking DAD, sometimes i wonder if hes actually a woman. with his random pms-like mood swings. full fuckn tells me off just because i didnt do sumthing he asked me to bkors i couldnt hear him ask me hes fuckn like
" RARARA I DNT KNOW WHY ANYBODY WOULD HIRE YOU YUR SO USELESS, ASK YOU TO DO SUCH A SIMPLE THING AND YOU CANT EVEN DO IT. YUR GNR MAE YUR COMPANY FUKN CLOSE DOWN... &etc. "
fucking PIECE OF SHIT. >=F i didnt hear wt you said, whats the big deal?! get over it! just cause yur in a bad mood doesnt mean you have to make everybody eles feel like shit too.
MEN >=F dnt you wish they were all dead? .. sometimes? ==;
ANYWAYS. on a better note, met up& went ct with cong tday. havent seen him in agesssssssss ~ 1 yr& 1/2? lol still looks the same XD watchd " national treasure " .. erms not the best movie, pretty boring actually. didnt know what was going on half the time lol >< was gnr run into another movie but didnt end up doing thattt. OHH & has everywun seen the new bar? it looks sxc =) nxt month! i shall be able to go in there =) hahahha. went to capitol which we did not win anything frm T.T but he got this lil gundom (how ever yu spell it) figurine frm those ermm capsule-machine lol, its cute. (my photo up-loading thing isnt working atm so i cant upload any pix of it)
YDAY, lol was so random.was supposed to go blue mountains but martins car broke down so we didnt get to go. then we decided to go cabra for lunch instead but tht got cancelled for some reason and we ended up going to bicentenial park with sue,martin&ken and had kfc. LOL, me&sue made waterbombs and sue chuckd one at martin very unexpectedly and he got so pissed. =S was so scary! they drove off! but then came back. hahahha >< man we didnt even get to use all the waterbombs ==; had to water the plats with them. waste of out time&energy.
BDAY UPDATE:
GUYS WE'RE CHANGING THE DATE TO SATURDAY THE 12TH FOR EVERYBODYS CONVIENCE! so yea. nomore of thursday! emaisl shall be sent as soon as we book the hotel to make sure evrywun knows abt the change [=
<33 KYLIE.
Make a comment Permalink
HELLO HELLO.
omg i havent blogged for ages! hahaha but yes yes i think im going to start blogging regularly agn =)
OMG I GOT A JOB x] starting on jan 2nd, telemarketer @ ct, $17 p/hr WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTS. now i gta go shopping for business-ish attire? oh wells? i love shopping? lol? ahaha THANKYOU VINNIE FOR REFERRING ME, gosh i love you! shall shout you lunch sometime! hahaha tytytytyty !
hahha turning 18 soon! less than a month left! haha for all that dont know, im having a combined party thingy with the gorgeous lil maria, cause we love eachother, and bkors our bdays are 2 days apart. hahaha we're having a bbq @beach + a hotel party afterwards.
INVITES SHALL BE SENT TO EMAILS SOON SO KEEP AN EYE ON YUR INBOX =)
omggggggggggg, im so hyped about it. its gnr be mad fun! =D can not wait! haha today maria and i went ct and went looking at hotels, went to a few but most of them were surprisingly booked out already or too expensive. one of the places.. think it was grand mercure was like
" how many ppl you gnr have?! cause we;re a residental area and any noise after 9 ppl are gnr clal the cops "
like wtfff .. just cause we're young they think we're partiers. and judge us (even though we are).. like maria said, we COULD just be two lil rich kids wanting to waste money. LOL?
anyways yes, we eventually came across one, "NOVOTEL" maria was going abit coo-coo over the recpetionist ==; which i thought wasnt even that cute. LOL ANYHOO.. we had a look at one of the 2 bedroom pent houses and it was so sxcccccccccccc .. it was 2 lvls, had spas, tv + foxtel, mini bar area & a fan-tabulous view of the harbour. the only set back was the lack of a balcony. but OH WELLS smokers can go outside =) haha it was 400 bux + 100 for the bond. we were both like ..=O wen we were told the bond, was expecting at least 200. so yea. its all cool dudes =D haha we also went to look for cakes, 85 degrees at townhall have some pretty hectic cakes, but they didnt have the greentea one i was looking for =( however, these ones looked pretty appestising too :)

mmmmm .. yummy =D
hahahha there shall be more tlak abt this at a later date!
SO, UAI YESTERDAY.. how'd everybody go? UNOE WHAT. opn the news it said that girls did way better than guys this year. LAWL, in yur face boys! hahahha x] i did ok, kinda expected something around that. i guess it was pretty good seeing i ddint even really study that much. library was like .. socialising more then studying ==; ppl taking smoke breaks every like fckn half an hr. ==; but yes OH WELL. at least its all over yes? i hope everybody got into their preferred courses =) if you didnt, then cheer up! think abt the ppl that got like 30> and get a free sympathy beer LOL ( sorry didnt mean to offend anybody) and yea.. guess you just gta accept reality &work with wt youve got?
but YES, kylie recieved her accpetance letter frm tafe yesterday, and the next four years of my life is pretty much planned. LOL. going to be doing hospitality management @ ultimol tafe with mel for 1.5 -2 yrs, get my adv dip then go to UTS for 2 years and get my B tourism&hospitality management. =) thats if everything goes to plan. oh mel&i are going together! how awesome is that, we live arnd the same area too so we can train it to&fro study too =) nicecnice!
on a totally random note, i have been on a crazy shopping spree these few days, lmao. bought 3 dress, 2 pairs of shoes& 2 necklaces. YAY LOVE SHOPPING. now gimme advice! im watching these thing on ebay lo, which ones the hotter?

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&ssPageName=STRK:MEBTOX:IT&item=180193898534&_trksid=p3984.cTODAY.m238.lVI

OK TTYL BABES,
IMMA JET NOW =)
XXX !
Comments (3) Permalink
sometimes, somethings that are just not meant to be. & nothing can be done to change this fact.
